I feel low

Hello. Sorry for the grammar mistakes, I am not really in the mood to correct theme.Where to start. I am 23 years old gay student. I finally came out to myself after years during last spring. I was in relation with girl back there, first relation ever. She studied her summer semester abroad and was here for weekend. At that time the relation was really stressful for me. I let myself to come with the term gay during her visit. And I really felt great and high after that confession. I came out to my best friends within a month. And they took it quiet well.My girlfriend was in her final year of her bachelor degree and abroad so I did not want to stress her more than necessary and waited till her return next month. I told her the I am gay. Did not want her to blame herself for anything before the exams. I had one gay friend back there, but decided not to tell him. He was my girlfriend's tutor and I did not want things to get weird between them. Now I don't see why I waited. Then summer happens and I worked hard at summer job, no social progress. During that time it went clear that my father's health problems were in fact hard alcoholism. He ended at hospital at psychiatric department for 14 days tided up to bed and then till January at sanatorium for addicted. My mother has a diabetes. I am affair to tell them the true. These conditions are reasons that held me even more to not tell the true. I am afraid that father start to drink again an mother got hypoglycaemic attack.But back. I come out to more friends during fall. Even my gay friend, the tutor. He helped me and still helps me a lot. But somehow I start to felt really bad about everything. I put myself down, not to expect anything in life to avoid disappointment, did not expect things to ever went better. I felt like I lost my teen years and that I must figure out things that my peer already did 10 years ago.I met few other gay guys. We had a small party before Christmas. Everybody was drunk and I ended with one boy outside at park. We kissed and then went fore more, oral and jerking off. I finished and, he did not. I felt completely incapable afterward. Not helped that we did not communicated ever again. I know it is probably nothing serious, but it was my first time with boy to do anything and I still feel really bed about it. At the end of January my best friend complained to me that I talk about my homosexuality all the time. Maybe he was right. I did not talk about it directly, but did hints probably quiet often. I did not want to bother others but felt that I can finally say anything. But I stopped afterward and say anything very seldom. And yesterday night 2 my best friends, really made me pissed and upset. First of them "in funny way" offend somebody that he is fag. And the second just randomly screamed "fagots" to anybody as an insult, the same that complained earlier. The first one later apologized me.In last 14 days I started to feel that life is good and has some meaning again. I even felt really happy about myself. But the last night put me down. I somehow don't feel they take my side if they even can't keep themselves when I am present. I feel really alone during moments like this one. I left the place soon afterward and probably thing about everything for million times. I got idea to tell or write them how I feel last night but it want courage.Thank you for reading, I know it is long text. And sorry for bothering you.