Not another bromance turned into a romantic relationship (Long post)

I already posted this on r/askgaybros. I think this is called "reposting", but I'm not sure. I'm new on reddit, so please let me know if this is inappropriate in some way. Thank you!OK, guys, so... this is the situation. I've been friends with this guy from work for almost four years. Since 2015 though things started to change. I felt that our friendship was dying and it really affected me. It still does, just not as bad as it used to be. I actually posted about it at r/INFJ, you can read the post here in order to have more context. English is not my first language, so my apologies for the typos. I'm sorry for the lack of structure. I just feel like I have to give you a lot of details and context in order to understand the whole situation.Our relationship was very special, to say the least. We grew incredibly close to each other. We had the same sense of humor, the same career plans (since we worked at the same company). It was the first time in my life in which I found a best friend, a real best friend. No relationship I had before could have been compared with what I had with him. We would text every single day, we would talk about everything, everything. We realized that we had more than a simple friendship, we actually had a bromance, a beautiful bromance.Even though we work for the same company, he always stays at the office, and I'm always out at our clients offices. Although we don't get to see each other much at our firm, whenever I knew I was going to the office, I let him know so we could have lunch together. The only way we stayed in touch was by WhatsApp messages. We would spend hours and hours texting about everything.However, since 2015, things turned into another direction. It first started by him not answering my messages. It was kind of like a pattern: he texted me, I answered and asked something in order to keep the conversation going, he read my texts and didn't answered (and still used the app throughout the day), after a few hours he would text me again about a totally different topic, I would answer him, he would read my reply and won't answer again. I never got mad at people for reading my messages and not answering. I always tried to put myself in the other person's shoes and thought that they might be busy, in a meeting, at the phone, or something like that. But I could see that this was not the case with him, he was doing that on purpose. Like I said, at the beginning I didn’t pay too much attention to it, but later it became more and more annoying to me.It was during this time that I started to have this feeling of distance between us. And a lot of dark and sad thoughts started to haunt me. "Maybe he doesn't need me anymore. He's much better now, so why bother with me". This went on and on for about a whole year (2016). There would be times in which I felt like we were the same and that nothing changed, and other times I would feel as if I lost my best friend, my first best friend. Oh, a small detail, he is gay, I'm gay or bisexual, still trying to find out straight.This played an immense role in the dynamics of our friendship (or bromance). As we grew closer and closer, the tone of our messages started to take a more dangerous direction (now I realized it as I look back). He made a lot comments such us:how handsome he thought I washow I was everything he looked for in a boyfriendhow much he liked my body, especially, errr... my buttjokes about me turning gay and be his boyfriendonce he told me, when he was in a relationship with another guy, that if I went gay, he would totally dump his boyfriend to be with meonce he told me how a sexual encounter between us would be (like kind of an erotic story)I always had low self-esteem. I never considered myself to be attractive or about the possibility that other people could be interested in me. I can't deny that all of those comments he made would bust my ego to outer space. For the first time in my life, someone was explicitly telling me that I was attractive. If you experience low self-esteem, you must know how incredibly well and satisfying this feels.Also, we were very open about sex and everything, so every time he made this time of comments it didn't bother me at all. But I could never actually accept this kind of compliments. Partly because my low self-esteem prevented me from believe that what he was saying was true, and also because every time we would have this kind of conversation it would always be in a joking context.As I said, I started to feel very distant from him. We would go days without texting, we would not see each other at the office. Seeing him happy traveling and being happy with his others friends made feel sad and with this feeling of lost.I tried to talk to him twice about how I felt, back in December 2016. It was really hard for me to open since I'm an introvert and over-analyzer. It was just too hard to present myself in such a vulnerable way, but I did it anyways. Both times we talked about how I felt, he would say to me that nothing changed for him and that the feelings he had towards me were the same. He should say that yes, maybe the dynamics of the friendship might have changed, but that didn't mean we were distanced from each other. After both times we talked about these things, I left with a feeling of peace and calm. I felt as we finally set things clear, and I felt confident about our relation. However, this sensation of calmness would only last a few days. Then I would start over thinking every word, every facial expression, every change in the tone of his voice he had during those conversations and I would start having this despairing thoughts of lost and sadness because once again I felt that things changed and that I have lost him.Finally, I decided to go to a therapist. I told her everything I told you in this post and she suggested that maybe (only a possibility) he fell in love with me and decided to keep distance from me not to damage our friendship. This possibility punch me in the face. For the first time in all this time, I could finally start to admit to myself that maybe all those comments about how handsome I was to him, all those comments about making me his boyfriend, all those compliments about my body, might have actually been true.I started to see my therapist this year, and telling her everything I felt helped me to calm down more. She really helped me to see things from other perspective. She helped me realize that the type of comments he made to me, were not normal between friends, especially towards a straight friend, as he always though I was straight. I never told him that I have been questioning my sexuality since I was a young boy.We would be very affectionate after having the conversations I described before. When we would return to our desktops from lunch, if we were alone at the elevator, we would hug really tight. In many times, though, we would do more than hugs. He would touch my butt joking. Well, at least I always took it as a joke, but I have to admit that I liked it. It just made feel attractive and desired for the first time in my life. I was like an adolescent in high school.Well, this year we would go to the office on Saturday afternoons to work. I would sit at his desk next to him and we would talk and joke as we worked in our laptops. And on these Saturdays when we were leaving the office (and alone as nobody was working) we hugged again at the elevator and I got too excited and I kissed him in his neck in a very silly and joking way. I actually tried to kiss him on his cheek but since I'm shorter than him, I only reached his neck. It was funny and we laughed. He said that he could feel my beard and that that was funny.After two Saturdays, we met again at the office to work. Then he said to me "Today I'm gonna kiss your beard". I blushed and said in a defying way "No. You won't", to which he responded "Yes. I will. We can even walk down the stairs if you prefer so we can have time to do more things". We laughed and kept working until 4:30 pm, then decided to go home. When we exited the door, he pushed the elevator button, so I thought he forgot about the stairs comment or never were serious. Then he said "Wait, we said that we would go by the stairs", he laughed and the elevator arrived. We entered, and once again I thought that he may have just been joking. Once we were inside, he took my shirt and grabbed me towards him. We hugged and started to rub our cheeks so he can feel my beard on his face (I know, weird). This went on for a few seconds and then I kind of backed. We stared at each other, and then he kissed me. I froze. I shocked. I panicked. I could not feel anything. I was about to faint. I couldn’t look at him. He was laughing and I could only look down at the floor. He kissed me again, laugh, and kissed me again. I, still looking down, took his arm and said "Stop".We got out of the elevator and I started to laugh. I was slowly recovering consciousness. I said "I have a lot of questions. First of all, how dare you?" (from that Kelly Kapoor meme). We just laughed and I told him to wait before exiting the building because I had an erection and I couldn't walk. We just laughed. Once I arrived home I texted him saying "Finally, you got what you wanted", and he answered "Yes. Since 2014".I tried not to think to much about that situation, but then I couldn't keep it anymore. I started to question everything to myself. Why did he kiss me? Why would he not even answer my texts and then would kiss me? Did he just joke or that kiss meant something to him? I went insane.OK, so this is the part I need your counsel and expertise in this subject...I can't deny that I liked that kiss, like A LOT. I started to fantasize about hugging him and kissing him again. The thing is, I still feel as if our relationship changed, and I don't know why. So, there's no room, at least right now, to talk about that kiss. One might think (as my therapist does) that our friendship actually reached a higher level of intimacy. But I can't conceive this idea since we barely text, barely see each other, barely anything. He doesn't know that I'm not straight. He may suspect it because, come on, it's really hard to find a totally straight guy who feels comfortable with this kind of situation. I'm not planning to tell him all of this because I don't feel like we have the intimacy and confidence to talk about this.I don't know what to do. I miss him so much. But I'm not sure if I would dare to take the chance and try to be more than friends. I'm questioning my sexuality. I love him so much, and I care too much for him. If I'm gonna be with him, it would be because I finally accepted myself. Like, I don't want to experiment with him. I don't want him to be a guinea pig while I discover myself sexually. But on the other hand, I'm too afraid to lose him. I want him with me as a friend, as the best friend I considered him until a while ago. Have you ever had this kind of experiences, guys?EDIT 1: Typos and grammar. Extra info: Apparently I left some important pieces of information. If I would make a chronological order of the events, it would go like this: March 2013: We met September 2015: Things started to change. He would not answer my texts, and I started to feel the distance between us First semester 2016 (?): I tried, timidly, to share with him my worries. I didn't want to do it because I didn't want to bother him. He asked me, literally begged me not to leave him. Second semester 2016: The distance between us just kept growing and I became more aware of it December 2016: I finally decided to share all my feelings with him Keep in mind that all of those compliments he made to me took place before September 2015. In the past few months he stopped making those compliments he would do to me. That was one of the "symptoms" I noticed and that made me realize of the change.