Why is it so hard?

Why am I so afraid? Why can't I accept who I really am? Every day I think about just giving up and ending it. I have to lie to everyone that I know. I don't want to, but I keep doing it. I've lurked on reddit for years. I'm finally at a crossroads of sorts. It's so hard to connect to people and share my true feelings. I'm just so ready to give up, but I'm too afraid to do it. I don't know exactly what i'm trying to get out of this post. I just don't know what to do. My only other option is to live a silent life until I can't take it. That is what I'm afraid of. I don't want for it to be over, but it's all that I can think of.Day to day, that is all I can think of. Please, I just don't know what to do. I'm begging anyone.