What are we???

So I'm 18 and I was at a new years party with my friends. I got drunk and so did everyone else. I'm still in the closet to everyone except my best friend . so I was drunk and so was this other guy.( call him O) . so I went to sleep on the same bed as O but I ended up hugging him.He wasn't asleep and ended up hugging back. I was interested and I just hugged his waist and brought him closer and stated rubbing . I didnt know what I was going but he ended up kissing ME. after that I rubbed his stuff and we kinda went well to third base and even as close as almost putting in the tip. I stopped myself cause I knew I was really drunk and if I started I wouldn't want to stop.I remember telling O to message me if he still remembers the night. And to my surprise he messaged me and started talking about how he liked it and everything . I liked it too. So we get to talking and we say we want to finish what we started . we agreed on a place and a time and all the stuff we'd use (lube and condom) . we even sent exposed photos of ourselves. for some reason we never went through with it . we just stopped messaging about it .I saw him not to long ago at another sleep over nonetheless.It was weird . he kinda kept his distance yet I knew he wanted to talk to me. He kept looking at me when he thought I wouldn't notice (I would look at his reflection from other things) .by the time we all left the next day it was completely normal we were talking by our selves laughed at the same time at the same thing and it was cool.Now I really REALLY want to do him in the ass and have him in me . but I feel like we can't go back to any of it. I might actually even have a small crush on him.Now for the most complicated part. I can't talk to anyone about this not even my best friend because the guy I want used to have a small thing with her.Please give me some advice!!!