Want to die but not kill myself

So I'm a 16 year old in high school and I've been depressed for the past 4 years when I moved away from my home town. I was and still am nostalgic and feel like I can never make good friends again. To make it worse is that I'm gay. I live in a very liberal area but that doesn't really matter to me. I've always wanted to be able to have my own kids, have a wife and get actual children of my own. There's just something about being gay that I really dislike and it isn't really a societal thing. Anyways, since I live in a liberal area there are plenty of gay people here but everyone who is out is an extremely stereotypical gay person. Feminine, annoying voice, etc... Big turnoff for me. I'm still closeted but I've been trying to get a boyfriend for the past two years and I feel like It's impossible. Literally every single guy I've ever liked is straight. There's nothing I can do about it. I've tried getting to know at least 10 guys and every single time I start asking about their life they all have girlfriends. I just feel so frustrated that I can't find someone who is gay who isn't feminine and just normal. I feel like shit almost 24/7 because It's all that's on my mind. Being gay just feels like a curse that for a while I just wash I could disappear without killing myself, because I don't think I'd be able to do that...