Feels 😢😣😧😩😭

I feel so down and unloved today. Im all alone tonight and I just want someone to be here with me, who I can love and cuddle. I have a boyfriend but every time we see each other all he want is sex. Im starting to feel so used. I cant leave him because I dont want to hurt his feelings. I also dont feel so attractive and thats the worst so im scared i will never find someone to love. Tell me what you think hereIm also such a loner I dont have many friends, none of whom are gay. I once met a gay guys through a mutual friend. He outed himself to me and that was back then when i still was in the closet. Not ready for the world to know. I said nothing. Just oh cool. I think he knew i was. And i blew it. I still think about him and the other day i tried contacting him to tell him i am gay but he is ignoring me 😭Another feeling i just cant fet rid of is, the feeling i get when im around my parents i get so uncomfortable, even tho they have excepted me for who I am. I just want to leave South Africa and start a new life without my family and my past. A fresh start. Any advice is welcome.