19 years old, never been in a relationship. Had a dream that made me realize I was gay.

I've lurked around on Reddit for a while now, and don't know where to put this so I'll just leave it here.Never in my life up until now have I ever really thought about love and relationships. I'd never found myself to be particularly attractive, nor attracted to women as social norms would suggest I should be, so I figured at an early age that the whole dating game wasn't for me; further compounded by the fact that I stand roughly at the height of a 14 year old and a face seen as even younger - I've felt like a misfit and a social outcast since I was born and I just accepted that's just the way things were meant for me.That was until I had the dream. A dream consisting of being asked out by a boy. I was awestruck by the beautiful, terrifying revelation of feeling in love for the first time in my life. It lasted for what felt like an eternity, but in that moment I realized I was gay.I know my family wouldn't understand if I told them - they couldn't, being devout Catholics who have stated explicitly that if I were ever gay they would disown me on the spot, and I'm in no financial position as of current to support myself.I've spent my entire life closing myself off from the world around me, digging deep into endless means of procrastination via Reddit, video games and such and unsurprisingly have little to nothing to show for it, leading to both friends and family referring to and treating me like trash - which quite frankly is well deserved.I've had on and off thoughts about suicide throughout the passing months - the few I have told about this to some degree have attributed it to my being so lazy. The only person who acknowledged there may be something more to my general sadness was my college Maths teacher who told me to seek help upon my breaking down in class. This is my second run through college, I was kicked out for not going to class, because I simply couldn't cope and didn't get help, and having done my second year exams at college it becomes increasingly clear that I've failed again due to this.But I'm trying.I really don't know where to go from here, having lived such a sheltered life, but tomorrow I finally make a start by talking to my GP about my depression. In 5 days I get my results. And in time I hope to be able to accept my sexuality and who I am.Sorry for going off-topic and spitting dictionaries, I just wanted to admit to someone besides myself about who I am.