Trying to understand my self

Hey guys,Ever since I was around 10-11 I didn't really understand who or what I was. I'd never go for guys back then but I remember how much I got aroused by muscular male bodies.My first male crush was when I was in my 8th grade (13 years) and it kept going like that, sometimes guys, sometimes girls. With girls I'll usually end up being friends cuz I don't know better, but I did get attracted. Just emotionally. But, sometimes I still feel it, especially near one of my close friends I knew I liked for months.But boys... I'd get attracted more sexually than emotionally, but unlike with girls, I'd kinda want it all. Most of my crushes were straight guys, a bit taller with muscles (I'm soooo unoriginal I know I know) and to even get something out of it, we'd play bottle spin games (4-5 of my friends including my crush).Last year I fall for this guy who gives me so much false hope. Then he tells me he's bi, so we were being together in my room, making out, touching each other etc. Never got suuuper far. Sadly, he'd say how he doesn't want to be in a relationship, and in the end he says it's enough for him and he's straight.My heart bursted into pieces, and after that I only had one crush but it lasted for a few months. I never got to experience the full thing with either of sexes, but I gotta say, sleeping with a girl is not appealing to me, sleeping with a guy sounds a bit better but I still don't like the idea of it.I'm veeery emotional, and when I fall for you, I'll chase you forever, tho I never get that in return. EVER.I'm not sure what I want, who I want. I know I suffered for both guys and girls, but in the end, I'm not sure what I am... who I am... what I want :/I'm up for longer talks, I really just want someone to help me figure it out...