I dated my first male…

Just as my depression was improving a girl caught my eye, we hung out a lot of times over the course of a month before I decided to confess my feelings for her, she said she isn’t ready for dating so I respected that and asked if we could continue our friendship, she agreed then out of no where stopped answering my texts, I saw her during passing times and on instagram she always left me on read, this whole thing made me very very sad, most people would turn to their friends for this right? I shouldn’t have, all of them told me what they thought made her stop talking to me, they listed my biggest insecurities like a bunch of backstabbers, except one friend, he was so kind to me throughout this nightmare. I split off from the rest of that group and talked to him daily. I quickly realized after a month that I loved this boy, not best friend love or brother love, LOVE, I “accidentally” sent some hearts on Instagram to which he responded with more hearts, we started spamming hearts back and forth for an hour or two. I decided to hide an Ily in the hearts so he put “Ilymore” inside his next heart spam, we did this ilymorethan… thing the rest of the night. The day after that I got home and started tinkering with adobe illustrator and made a piece of art asking him to be my first boyfriend. We were taking it slow enjoying each sentence. We were together for a week (the happiest week of my life) when he said that his life was a little cluttered and would like to take a break, I had hope that I could help him with what he’s going through and we would go back to being a couple, today he told me he doesn’t feel comfortable around me.Through all my failures with women I gave up, and tried men, I can’t believe that I have completely messed up with both, maybe I’ll date my toaster, honestly the pain of heart break outweighs the joy