So I want to suck cock. I don't think my wife would be pleased... Advice/ama

So I've been bisexual/pansexual whatever, for a long time. (Though I'm only 25)I could never be with a guy in a relationship though. Nor could I really find a guy's face attractive. It's the cock though. I love cock. I jack off to the thought of it all the time.I could never tell my wife or friends or anything of course.But now I really want to cheat. That also turns me on for some reason. I want to suck cock and feel his cum. Please him. And I would also love to get fucked.But there are so many factors stopping me. Disease risk from giving a blowjob being my most feared. And my wife finding out is the biggest risk.I know I should be happy. My wife is amazing. But she could never be the cock I've always wanted.