Should I Come Out?

I am struggling mightily, and I am venting, so if I get no responses, that is okay. But, here is my story. I have been married for nearly 15 years to a wonderful woman and mother. We have two beautiful kids who I love. We enjoy going on family trips and experiencing life together. I look forward to dancing with her at my daughter's wedding someday.My wife is my best friend. That's part of why I married her. We always clicked and could talk for hours. I never really understood why I didn't make the first move with girls when I was a kid, but I thought I was shy. With my wife, it was always different. I could talk to her, but she would never make the first move. So, finally one day, I did. It was what I was supposed to do. We got married, have to kids and a dog and moved to the suburbs where I have a great corporate job and we live happily ever after, right?!Well, not so fast. I never believed I was gay, but I sometimes wouldn't mind stumbling across gay porn online. Even in college, I would fantasize about some ran dome encounter with a guy I didn't really know or something. But I pushed it aside. Why, you may ask? While I grew up catholic, we aren't religious. I do, however have an extremely homophobic dad who once threatened to throw me out if I ever "came home gay." I also never identified with those who were out when I was in my 20s (I am 40 now). It's not that they weren't remarkably brave people, but because of the times, they were the furthest to the left on the ol' Kinsey Scale. I just didn't see myself as fitting in.So, I made it through the first 13 years of my marriage without a blip, then I finally succumbed and took someone to my hotel room when I was traveling. Then I took another and then another. All told, I have been with about 7 different men, and I hated what I was doing to myself.I got myself tested and came up negative and swore off casual hook ups. Instead, I thought it'd be fun to have a gay closeted friend like me to hook up with from time to time. It's still cheating, but it would be with another married man, and we would have the same stakes and remain clean. So, I met Dave. Well, our situation quickly turned into going out for drinks, talking, learning about each other, etc.I am not in love with Dave, more am I stupid enough to think that we will both divorce our wives and move in together. New hat I do know is that what I am starting to feel is like nothing I have ever felt with my wife or anybody else. If we were dating as single men, maybe it could be something. But, I know he's not the one.What it has done is make me miserable in my home life. I know I can't be whole, and I know I cannot fulfill her either. Since coming to terms with my sexuality fully for the first time, I cannot perform in bed for her, and I'm incredibly anxious around her. My best friend's very presence is now making me sad, and I'm starting to mourn for what I know I will be giving up.If anybody has any thoughts at all about how to make this work, I would love to hear it. I could end my FWB relationship, but it won't change how I feel. That said, I don't want to hurt my family and cause us both to lose our friends and financial security. I feel so stuck and don't know if I want to blow up everyone's world for the sake of how I feel.Thanks for your help. N