Tell me what you think?

Tonight, I have learned something very important that I feel should really inform me as I go forwards. I learned that ultimately, my fate belongs to me. For the past 6 years, I have always thought of myself as the land around me. At camp, I was the victim of the horrible camp administration, campers, counselors, and horrible directors. I cried often and felt upset, and yes the camp was bad, but my own reaction was just as bad and inappropriate for the situation. This has stuck with me and I have learned from these actions that they should not be repeated. Then in 8th grade, I became the victim of the jerky girls, the middle school, the jerky boys, and numerous stres. While not taken out in the form of panic attacks in high school, the same situation did occur. After, in high school, I lost it totally throughout. I was trapped in my own head, and never saw the bigger picture. I was stuck in the horrible bubble of what was called high school. The numerous stresses of mean students who would exclude me, no friends, body image problems, stress to perfect the next test academically, teachers who would abuse their power, a schedule that trapped me basically in house arrest for 4 years, and abusive and creul tae-kwon-do teachers kept me consistently on my toes but also misreable, depressed, and repulsive. I became self absorbed, depressed, and threw numerous temper tantrums. And I did it because I felt it was the only thing I could do. I felt powerless and out of control. My enviornment was not what I wanted, and I was so self obsessed that I felt trapped, bored, and useless. Being gay and trying to come out did not help either (although I did eventually come out in 10th grade). However, I am aware of the mistakes I have made the past couple of years and am ready for change and know that I am the only person who can make it happen. I successfully got good grades, feigned an interest, and got into a great school. I have 15 weeks of high school and while they may not be easy because the enviornment is not ideal, I need to learn how to mannage the pain of it and survive. I cannot become the victim of myself and my enviornment. While the people and the situation around me are difficult, conceited, and often times ludicrous, my reaction if I just choose to become the victim will just end up being the same. And in college, rather than obsess over what is hurting me, I am going to learn to write it down, put it in a different place, and slowly learn from it. I am going to meditate, do yoga, and learn from the inner power of the universe. I have an interest and I am ready to make it happen. And while managing all of this could end up being hard, I am slowly going to learn to do it. I know this is a rant but I had to put it out in writing. Tell me what you think!