My coming out message to my wife - work in progress

Honey,I have been unfair to you. I have built up a wall around myself, and I have told you I am sad, depressed and anxious, and I haven't been able to tell you why. I know you can't possibly understand why that is, and you have been probably tortured by it. After putting myself in your shoes, I have decided it is time to tell you why I have been so blue. Before I do, I need to give you a little context.15 years ago, we married, and it was one of the happiest days of my life, next to the birth of our two children. You were and still are my best friend and soul mate. I love you. I always loved you. I always will. The same goes for the kids. I regret nothing. We have a wonderful family, and you are a perfect wife and mother.As you know, i often times become blue and depressed. I always blamed this on general anxiety. I don't think this was really untrue. It's just that the winter deepened what I always was able to keep down.As I get older, that feeling gets longer and deeper, and this year, it's more scary. I know that this is because I now fully accept what it is. To help you understand, I have taken to having little mini breakdowns in the bathroom or in the car alone. I have had a harder time keeping those crying fits hidden from you. I am truly hurting and depressed because I have not felt that I could share this with you, my best friend.It is time to bring you in to what has been bothering me, but it is going to come at great personal pain to you. I hope that once you get over the shock, we will be able to help each other deal with the truth about me that I have hidden from myself, from you, our kids, our family, and our friends.That truth is that I am gay. I always knew there was something different about me, and I suppressed it because of attitudes when we were growing up and probably because of my dad's homophobia. Until recently, I always made easy friends with girls and never with guys. I always unconsciously suppressed the glances at the same people who turned your head at the beach or elsewhere. I have feared being caught doing these things. I have had fantasies that I pushed out of my head the second I had them. I have had unhealthy dialogue with myself that has tried to convince me I am straight. None of these things are things that straight people do. This is what has caused the steady decline in our sex life, not anything that is wrong with you or that you need to fix. You are more beautiful than ever and as vital as ever. In fact, you are more so than when we were married.I wish I knew where this brings us going forward. I love you, and I want us to work that out together. I know you will be sad, but I don't want you to be alone, as I have been (which is my own fault). I am here when and if you want me. I am just as scared about this revelation as you are. I am not sorry for it, but I am devastated about what it could mean.Please keep the dialogue going for our kids and our marriage and friendship. When we are both ready, we can talk more about how to deal with this and what we each want. I don't want to lose you or our family. I hope you feel the same.Love,Your husband