Have you ever questioned your gender identity?

Hi, Im currently having a rough time right now because I am questioning my gender identity. When I was young I wanted to be a girl up until a point where I learned about homosexuality, then I identified myself with that. Im wondering if anyone out there have had a childhood where they wanted to be a girl then when they found out about gayness they realized that it was what they were. Ive read a lot of places that if you think youre trans you probably are, and it scares me because I dont want to be trans. When I think about what it will bring it makes me suicidal. At the same time Im scares that I am and that Im supressing it. Maybe I have a problem with femeninity and that I do not allow myself to be fem because of the gay macho standard? Anyways I need advice. Im drunk so sorry for bad grammar or whatever.