Lonely, Angry, suicidally drunken rant about the pathetic excuse of an existence that I'm forced to trudge through!

I absolutely despise the steaming load of horse shit that is the “it gets better” speech! It mostly makes the person saying it feel better about themselves than the person receiving it. It like “oh goody I did my good deed for the day in telling someone everything is gonna be great without acutely knowing anything about what the person is going through.” A pat on the back and send you on your way with all the better its going to be getting for you.The truth is it doesn't get better for a lot of people. It only gets better if the condition around you are perfect. If you are an adult and your are ugly, you are most likely gonna stay ugly. If you are only attracted to stereotypical “hot guy” you’re not all of a sudden gonna be into average or god forbid ugly guys like you. It just doesn't work that way. You are not going to will yourself into change a lifetime worth or severely ingrained personality traits that led you into this mess in the first place. If years of therapy and taking more pills than your grandmother hasn't fixed your clinical depression yet then a few more years probably wont do the trick. If you find no joy or happiness in anything in your life you’re most likely not gonna wake up in a few years and see that everything is better.I really hate the advice posts on here that are all the same. Everyones always telling you that you have to love yourself before you find love. Well what happens if you hate yourself? What happens if your ideal self is unachievable? What happens then? You cant love yourself and no ones gonna love you either? That sounds delightful.All this advice about having to come out and be yourself and comfortable, make friends, get hobbies, make yourself someone people want be around and all the good things will start coming out of the woodwork. The only people I have ever come out to are my family. That didn't go over well. We have essentially instituted a don't ask don't tell policy. They don't mention it and I don't bring it. My dad doesn't really have much to say to me anymore. Just basic pleasantries and small talk. My mom spends all her time dealing with my sibling making sure they don't end fucked up like me.I have no friends, no one to talk to let alone to spread my sexuality too. Not to mention that I don't even want to. I never got this whole thing about coming out and telling everyone. I don't want to tell anyone. Its no ones business. 1/3 of the population don't like gay people so why would I cripple myself by telling people what I'm into?Im probably gonna get down voted to hell and back but you know what I don't really care about these imaginary brownie points. Not to mention that I'm beyond drunk right now. Don't even know why I'm doing this. Don't even remember what I started with. Kinda just want to see if I could finish this bottle of vodka. I wonder if this could kill me? It wouldn't really be accidental. Shhhh don't tell anyone. Any way bye people.