Another gay in the closet....

hi there...(i can't even write in a forum without feeling weird) well... i think i just want to write... and maybe... vent a bit......Im a 21 years old gay guy, I have a college degree, i live with my parents, i like to draw and play music, and in a personal side... im a mess... I have just a few friends, but im not myself with anyone...i know there are people who sat that is not necessary tell people that you're gay, so no need to "get out of the closet"...but for me is... important... i think is a part of who i am and... is affecting me... is a big weight and don't let me be myself...but i can't... im a shy guy, with low-esteem, who had never love someone or... had a relationship and... i don't know what to do...i feel alone... knowing that I will be alone all my life...but i can't tell anyone... if i tell that to my only friends... maybe I will lose them... and if i tell my family... I will be a disgrace,a traitor, and... they will hate me...just random thoughts...I just... i don't know what I will do...(sorry, im just stressed and... feeling down...)