Just something I want to get off my chest..

Using a throwaway for this. Don't care how much flak I might or might not get, I just really wanted to share my honest feelings.I'm a high school student, and yes, I'm a raging homosexual. I refuse to let anyone know that about me though, because I hate the association that comes with the term "gay." I just want to live in a world where sexual preference is just that, A PREFERENCE. To me, "gay" is not a lifestyle, not a character trait, and not a damn adjective! It is simply a preference, and if you just magically removed all aspects of sexuality away from someone, they would still be the same person at heart, with all the same quirks, preferences and character intact!Like any other psychologically fucked up person, my beliefs stem from problems at home. I lost my mom at a young age, and it was devastating for my entire family. My older brother is what you would classify as a "flamer," every picture on his Instagram includes "#GayLife ;)." Though, personally I would classify him as a princess. While he lived with us, he could get away with damn well anything because my dad would defend him to the edge of the universe, no matter how inconsiderate or disrespectful it might be. My dads reasoning behind this? Well it went a little something like this: "He lost his mother and he is gay, an because of these two things he reacts to the world differently!" Hold up, so you're telling me that because I'm gay with a dead parent, it's perfectly acceptable to mooch off my living parent, not clean up after myself and disrespect my family? Damn, wish I knew that sooner! Add to this that my dad has also acquired the belief that "gay men don't know how to run their lives" and defends that with examples from my primadonna brother, and my uncle who's not all right in the head. But I guess I can't blame the guy, those are the only gay men he thinks he knows. Sometimes I wish I could come out and show him why that is so wrong and bigoted, but that's another delema. Time is catching up to me, and I feel like I'm getting to this point where I feel like I should come out to someone, but I really, really don't want to. Because my brother is my one and only sibling, and my step-sister lives across the country, I'm expected to be the provider of grandchildren. I really don't want to break their hearts, but prom is coming up, and I don't want to or even know how to say to my parents "I didnt get a date because I don't like girls and I'm not willing to come out to my friends and classmates either." I am starting to get tired of the constant questions "When are you gonna bring a nice girl home? Why are you always alone? Oooh who's she?" Honestly, I just find it gross to advertise your sexuality. It's okay to be proud that you're gay, but when you're the kind who claims its a huge part of you and need to make it known by all, youre basically screaming at people I LOVE DICK/PUSSY, which is quite frankly disgusting. All my opinion though, feel free to tell me all the reasons I'm wrong and bigoted or whatever. If you read all of this, bravo and thank you for peeking into my thoughts.TL;DR: I'm getting to a point where I want to come out to somebody, but I'm not comfortable enough with my sexuality yet. I'm expected to be a provider of grandchildren and I don't want to break my parents hearts. I have no interest in being associated with "gay culture" though, because gay should not be an adjective! I want to be the same bigbadbaconpancakes everyone already knows, but I know I'll be seen differently among my friends. What do I don't?