TIFU by being gay and depressed, my life!

This is a life about me, and why I struggle to be alive. I am a gay male who lives in Montana and All my life I have struggled with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts. As a child I grew up being bullied, I didn't realize how bad it was until my parents had brought it to my attention on what was going and from that I had to move me schools, but that did not fix anything, it only made things worse. Everyone still picked on me and made there verbal remarks towards me. It was always a wide range of things they could attack me for. I never wanted to go to school because I hated it. I can remember crying all the time because I couldn't do it anymore, couldn't take having no friends, being a joke, a nobody. I moved yet to another school before middle school and things just didn't seem to help. Things got worse as I entered middle school, still yet no friends just family, always laughed at, and made fun of. After a while, I transferred again before high school. But then I entered high school and was hoping things would change for me. I moved to a little school outside my hometown just to get away from it all. Going through high school was better but it never stopped. I still lived in the town where I was bullied and everyone still had full access to attacking me, physically and mentally. I was so afraid to go out in public alone that I wouldn't go anywhere but from school to home. Just going to Walmart would put me in a panic. Then I thought things were finally going good when I started making friends and getting out there more, accepted for once, but yet the picking on me never stopped but by then I could block it out. But by my junior in high school I got hit with another problem, coming out and admitting to myself that I was gay. I couldn't fight it anymore and admitted to myself. But coming out was one of the hardest thing I've ever faced. It wasn't until college when I finally opened up more and started getting myself out there. Then luck struck and I met someone. Happier than ever and excited to be special. But like everything else, it failed and that was finally my breaking point. Through everything I have had to deal with, and continue to deal with, is this deep depression, anxiety and thoughts. It's one of the must difficult things I have yet to overcome. No one lately can accept me for me, bits and parts of me are accepted but not the full me. I get those people who tell me that they are there for me but Those are just words, no one was there. I'm losing myself. My suicidal thoughts overpower me. I don't know who I am anymore and I don't know what else I can do to fight it. I'm at the end point and there's just nothing left. I Don't see the road ahead of me anymore, it's faded and I have no hope that life will ever pick up. I am nothing but a filler into people's lives. My day is coming and sooner than I want. But this is my story.