Am I a gay dude or what?

I've always been whatever about stuff. In my 30's now. Had a few dude experiences, mostly just kind of checking stuff out. I think I'm attracted to women. I've had a lot of lady experiences. A lot. Lately I find I'm not really into it anymore. I've had an idea that maybe I'm trans-gendered and posted on one of those subs. They recommended I check it out, so check it out I certainly did. I dunno if it's really a fit. I'm honestly not sure what my thing is at this point. I have a nice collection of backdoor related toys and I find it difficult to relieve myself without that aspect. The female parts are just kind of becoming more and more whatever. However, I find befriending men difficult and I have a major problem even meeting one for an intimate thing to continue testing the waters. I haven't ever felt emotions for a man like I have a woman, but at this point I don't feel emotions for anyone. I'm a robot. Work, sleep, ingest nutritional bio-matter. I "take care of myself" like once every couple of weeks at this point. No joke. I do enjoy cross dressing. Are gay dudes into this at all? I dunno . What do I do? What would you do? A convo I had with a group of openly gay dudes once was confusing. None of them have even had sex with a woman. They just magically knew they were gay and never questioned things. To be fair, I went to highschool in an extremely homophobic small town, and maybe I just can't accept that I might be a male who enjoys males. Maybe I have to convert to a female to be able to pursue a male. Or maybe I'm a-typical regardless. Or maybe there is no typical. Tell me what I am. Look into your crystal ball. As Old Greg said, "make an assessment".