2015. szeptember 26., szombat

30 year old friend in the closet, doesn't know i know

tl; dr- I (30, M, straight) suspect a good friend (30, M, who knows) of 20 years is gay. He has told no one. Should I initiate an interrogation or just let it go?So I've known my friend since elementary school. We were good friends all the way to highschool.During college we remained good friends. We both moved far from home (to different places) and we wouldn't talk very often (once a month or less?), but during holidays when we were in our hometown me, him, and a small core group of friends always planned, met up, and hung out. We all consider each other good friends still even though we don't keep up with the details of each others' lives.I once visited him over summer during college (probably 9 years ago now) and found gay porn on his computer. We were hanging out at his house and I was using his computer for who know's why. I saw the torrent or kazaa or whatever the hell we were using in 2006) badge in the lower right in the system tray and I popped that shit open to see what he was downloading. Was expecting to see what movies or music he was currently into, found gay porn. I had no idea before seeing his download queue that he was into gay anything. He has never been with a girl and has never expressed interest in girls really, but I figured he was just shy.Sometime later when we're hanging out I get an excuse to jump on the computer and then make a show out of seeing the downloader badge. "Torrents?! Whatcha dooooowwwwwnnnnloadiiinnnnnn" as I'm dragging the mouse suuuuuper fucking slow over to the download program. I mean, I don't want to just open his gay porn in his face. Gotta give the guy some options, right? He let's out a big "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and runs over to right click exit that program ASAP. I make a stupid joke about him not wanting me to see and just drop it. I never bring it up, he never brings it up, case closed we move on with our lives.Fast forward to present day. We've maintained our hands-off friendship successfully 8~9 years later. We actually talk a bit more nowadays on FB messenger about random shit. I make a trip to go to visit him for a weekend in his very nice home (he lives alone and is doing well for himself). He's a big Apple guy so he's got his Apple laptop as well as an iPad. I don't have access to his laptop but his iPad is just on his coffee table. We need to find movie showtimes, so I open it up, hit safari, and open a new tab so I don't close whatever he's on (aren't I courteous?).So a sweet feature with your apple devices is that all your devices are connected if you all use the same user account. So say you're on your laptop, but for some reason would like to open this page on your iPad so can flick the text around with your finger or something. WELL HOW CONVENIENT FOR YOU when you open a new tab in Safari all open tabs on your other devices are just right there in your face so you can click on whatever you want. Anyways, you get the picture. I see some gay website title pages open on his other devices. I cruiseeeeee right on past those to a wholesome google search regarding movie showtimes so we can watch us some Jurassic World. I don't bring it up ever and he has zero idea I know (I assume).We're 30 now and I want to talk to him about it. If he's gay would his life be better or worse if I ask him about it? He sometimes tells me about girls that hit on him and some girls he's hooked up with but he's never had a serious girlfriend (at least based on what he's told me). I think with presented evidence I can say with 90% certainty this guy is AT LEAST bisexual-leaning-towards-gay. I honestly don't care what his sexual orientation is, but I don't think he's told anyone about this. This has to be a big burden to carry, no? Would letting him know I know be catastrophic? We never really talk about anything past superficial conversation (e.g. "holy moly the finale to xxx ways yyy"). Objectively, I would say we are both very high on each other's "people I actually like" list.Please help me understand what's going through his head. I'd rather keep quiet if telling him might cause him to have a meltdown or make him hate me or something crazy. He's a pretty rational guy but this is delicate territory. If you've read this ENTIRE POST you're a saint and I love you.

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