please help, i'm scared i may be losing my mind.

Don't know how to start this, so i'll just jump in. I believe this started when i almost met death. pale, i was in the hospital looking at lights lying on a strecher being rushed to a hellicopter ready to transfer me to UCDavis medical center, they didnt know what to do bout me here anymore. Had crushed my pancreas in a dumb stunt at the age of 15. spend the next 2 months without consuming anything considering my intestine have stopped functioning from the trauma of surgery. i lived off "TPN" it was a bag of what looked like piss intravenously fed to me. my father never left my side while my mother slowly lost her mind. this actually didn't really affect me never really has, i lived after this experience, it didn't stop me from exploration of my natural surroundings, talking to people, meeting girls, making love, skateboarding, traveling thousands of miles to exploring new skateparks new terrain the rush, LIFE! family. Then, i crushed my ribs. 5 to be exact, completely in half. pale, being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance in downtown S.F. this is where it started the "thoughts", "i'm gonna fuckin die man." "seriously why the fuck did i get back on my board" a single blo to my damn pancreas will ruin me. spend 4 months recovering thinking the entire time i'm going to have internal injuries arise over night, every night checking every other hour that im not feeling any bleeding it became compulsive. my sleep schedule flipped. i became a hermit, i dont do anything but play video games all day. i don't contact friends or family i just sit here all day doing nothing trapped in my mind questioning my physical form every hour of the day. then i recover an start to move on, i'm talking to friends and family, i'm skating again :) the rush, LIFE! anxiety can fucking destroy your mentality. it changes you. i have a lot of friends that are bi, and or gay. it's never bothered me in the past, we traveled and skated together on a daily basis i use to just brush off there remarks considering they all new i was straight. but one day a remark just wouldnt leave my mind, it drilled into my soul. it was as if A switch was set off and i couldnt be around them anymore, i stoped talking to my friends :( i was scared i'd lash out i was scared i'd loose them, it's been close to a year sense i've contacted them. its been even longer sense i've skated, i don't talk to anyone other than my father and close family on occasion. i'm stuck in safe mode. Dont know if this matters but i'm 28 sorry if this seems sporadic but i cant think of any other way of explaining this situation. the anxiety hasnt left, i feel stuck