Help me......

Hey allI’m 27 married with 2 kids.......all was great until recently I can’t stop thinking/wanting to be with a man. When I was a kid I thought I could be gay as I used to like watching gay porn and wearing women’s underwear. I want to explore what it’s like to be with a man. I love the idea of being a bottom and having a man have his way with me. I’ve tried fingering myself and I just couldn’t find the right spot for me to enjoy myself, should I buy a dildo or butt plug? Also I need tips on everything!!! Such as first time sucking cock and having anal