Still unraveling my sexuality

The last woman i was interested in told me that she just wants some dick and I thought to myself, me too. And it was true, but i still persued this woman, it never worked out we never got physical but it probably would have been embarrassing if it came to that, lets just say the last time i was in bed with a woman she had trouble exciting me and even though i loved her very much, I was secretly fantasizing about her turning into a hot guy.Knowing this I don't know why I keep going after women i feel i may just be leading them on if i do. I can imagine myself having a boyfriend its just that i very rarely see a guy i am interested in but lots of women fascinate me.It's been hard coming to terms with the truth, I never really fully accepted my sexuality for decades and i wish i had. I passed up plenty of opportunities thinking i am not gay when despite being with several women i cant stop thinking about that one time I was with a guy.I know this is kind of nuts, i just need to get it out so i can process.