Gay_irl

Looking story short is that I was roommates with my best friend, we lived together for about a year and a couple months. I'm gay and he's straight. A couple months ago I was kinda struggling with my feelings towards him. I didn't know if I was attracted to him or what but we actually talked about it and we cleared things up. Well rewind back a couple months ago I took a picture of his feet on the couch and posted it to my gay Instagram that I never thought anyone would see, I was wrong. The caption was really bad, it said I wanted to suck his dick and rub his feet but to bad he's straight. His gf found the gay Instagram and he confronted me about it a few days ago. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. That gay Instagram was a bunch of pictures of me practically naked and random hot guys and porn pretty much but that was the only pic of him. I don't have those feeling for him. He's pissed off at me and moved out that night. He won't talk and I can't blame him. Honestly I fucking hate being gay and I never wanted to hurt him or anybody. I pretty much exploited someone who had always been there and wanted nothing more than friendship. I've thought about suicide in the past but honestly I don't think it is a bad idea. I might be able to get through this and obviously without my best friend but I honestly don't think I can go another 20/30/40 years. I hate being gay and would do anything to be normal. I fucked up bad this time, no going back.