Depressed.

Lately I have been feeling so sad and concerned about my condition. I'm HIV+. Since my diagnosis, I had been dealing with it quite right. But lately, i have these emotional changes that worry me a lot. I don't feel cute enough, healthy enough, capable enough to do anything. It is so tiring. I have a boyfriend and he has been very supportive but I don't know if he is enjoying my company anymore. He has been so busy with work that I don't know if it is only work or if there is something more. At work, I realized that my boss found out about my condition, because of a note that I had to submit because I missed one day of work and I had to present something to excuse my absence. They used to give notes without any clue that I was going to a HIV clinic, but now they do. I'm scared of what my boss would do. My psychologist says that medication is the one that makes me feel this way and I have the chance to change the medication that I'm taking, but it will mean that I will be facing other side effects when taking another set of pills. Yesterday, I almost wanted to kill myself. I was driving so fast and wanted so badly to lose control of the car and die. I don't want to bother anyone with my problems but everything is so damn overwhelming. I would love to sleep everyday. Never wake up. There are some many things that I had wished in my life so far, but the one that I crazily wish to happen for real is to be healthy again