30 years a closet case.

That's right I'm 30 and I've never been with a man. It's not that I've been lying to myself (not for a decade at least), but it had just never seemed relevant before. I've just avoided relationships and focused on career for such a long time, as well as my depression. I just figured, if love came along in my life somewhere, that would be the time to embrace it. But I wasn't going to try to force it. In the past I've had no problems looking at dudes and just thinking, yeah that works for me. Save the thought for a quick wank later. Move on with my life. But now...Well I don't know if it's just a depressive episode mixed with a mild crush, or what. This fella at work, who I am about 90% sure is straight is just ruining me. Typical irrational crush mindset; can't think of anything else, ruining my ability to focus, suddenly (since I realized my feelings) can't even behave normally around him. It all feels so juvenile to me, like a man my age should not be feeling so caught up.If I knew for sure he was straight, I think I could just fucking move on with my life. Even if that meant trying to find a fling to get over it. I'm not sure if it's just hormones or what, but this man has fundamentally altered my way of thinking, and i'm not sure I want to go back. But revealing my feelings seems like just a terrible idea. I don't even know if the dude is homophobic at all, and I am at least confident that my boss IS.I need more information, and I need to be patient. But it's crushing me day by day. Gotta figure this shit out, it's pathetic.Anyway, had to get that off my chest! Wish me luck whatever happens.