The magnitude of gayness

Basically everything to do with being gay is mixed messages on whether or not it's a big deal. For example, everyone (that accepts gay equality) says that being gay is fine and no big deal, it's just who you are. At the same time coming out is something that basically anyone says you have to do. I don't have any specific question here, I just want to further continue puzzling over curious contradictions created by the mix of gay being accepted and gay being off-norm. Any comments that give opinions on whether or not being gay is a big deal or give examples to consider regarding it is welcome, I just want to spark a discussion I guess.