How do I get over the way I've been treated in the past?

All my life, no girl or boy has ever liked me. I've only been fetishized by guys and a girl attempted to use me purely to get back at her asshole boyfriend for cheating on her. I'm not having any of that shit. But it really makes me lose hope, especially the former.Is that all I am? Sex? No, I'm not going to fuck you just because you asked me to, I barely know who you are. I barely want sex anyway, I'm borderline ace at this point if anything. I really do truly want a relationship with a guy though, but the way I've been treated in the past is kind of affecting me. I just feel like I'm going to be dumped, because I don't want sex, or I have something they don't like (cut penis, smallish balls, not "X" enough, etc). I just feel like a fucking object because of that, and nothing will ever change. I just feel kind of hopeless, and I don't even bother going for any sort of relationship because I feel it will just flop instantly as soon as he wants to have sex.How do I get out of this mindset? I'm getting really lonely now, I just want to love someone but it seems like love doesn't exist for the gays I know, it's just sex.