Guy is literally driving me insane.Need advice. Is it a Crush? or just some other form of obsession?

OK so I'll try and sum it all up and keep it short. I can expand if y'all need. NOTE: Phone is playing up so can't type very well atm sorry.I am 19. I am Gay. I was a Christian and am now an Atheist (yeh typical I know).He is in his mid 20's, Straight and a Christian Youth Pastor.The problem at its core - I have a fascination that isn't sexual with him. Even though I try my hardest to forget about him, there's not a day that goes by when he doesn't enter my thoughts. We have not talked in a while. Whenever I think of him I get what I would call 'critically depressed'.The brief history between us.Started going to the youth Christian group with a friend. The guy (who I guess we'll refer to from here on as *Guy) runs the group. Immediately I was intimidated and interested in *Guy. Over a number of years we developed a friendship, I think he also found me equally interesting.Eventually it was such a close friendship that I felt close enough to confide in him my questioning sexuality. He took a Christian (but pretty open minded) approach. He never abused me or forced me to change. Never critisised me or anything. Nothing changed between us apart from the fact that he was there whenever I had questions regarding our faith and my troubles with sexuality. This went so far as staying up with me till the early hours of the morning some times just being there for me.So you ciuld imagine I began to develop feelings, he is married and I want to make clear absolutely ny feelings are not sexual or romantic to my understanding.Anyway this valuable friendship continued for a while. But I eventually became more confident in who I was and accepted that I just like guys, which led me to have a sort of spiritual awakening if you will which led me to actually read my Bible multiple times searching for ways to be both a Christian and gay. This eventually led to me having more questions which eventually led to me watching a documentary called 'Unbelievers', with Lawrence Krauss and Richard Dawkins. This led tos me discovering the late Christopher Hitchens and the rest is history - I progressively went to church less, studied Secularism more, and eventually get to be the person I am now. During this process he obviously tried to help but eventually I started to ignore him in a sense.It's now been two years since i last went to church.But not a day has gone by where I don't regret everything. Everytime I think of him I just want to go back and be who I used to be.He has an incredible effect on me, the sort of effect that you might describe as magnetic. A sort of crush without the intentions of romance or sex.I sometimes spend hours hovering over his name on my contacts list. Just fighting myself. Because I know if I go back to him, it'll mean being sucked into faith again...Please.. advice... This is killing me.