Some please help me.

I need help with something, basically in my younger teen years, I had a large group of friends aswell as a very close female friend. I ended up becoming close to someone in my group of friends and introduced him to my female friend. I remember they used to flirt infront of me and for some reason I’d become really upset. It got that bad that I ended up losing my temper multiple times with them both. It got to a point of lashing out so much that they both no longer wanted to be my friend. This in terms caused me to lose my other group of friends and I ended up with no one, which is obviously my fault I understand, we were all only 15-16 years old at the time.I used to hear stories about them having sex which used to make me really upset and confused, I went through a horrible heartbreak.3 years later, my ex friends were no longer with each other, the boy (who we will call John), had reintroduced himself to me over a couple of reasons, he ended up becoming my best friend again, he reintroduced me back into my group of friends which I’m forever thankful for as they are now my social group again. I started to realise that I was falling in love with John again, which explained the reasons behind why I used to get so jealous. He claimed he didn’t know I was gay, however, he used to do odd things like teasing me, grabbing my crotch and ass, holding my hand when we would get food after college, say things like “I love our little dates”. He also used to brag to me a lot about how he was hung (which I know he is, I’ve heard it from so many people) and how he has amazing sex with his current girlfriend. At one point, we cuddled when we, aswell as a few other friends was lying on a bed smoking weed.I need help because my feelings are all over the place and it has caused me depression (I have been diagnosed). I have only recently come to terms about being gay, he claims he never knew I was gay but if that’s the case then why has he done all of these things? I remember we were both drugged up in a festival and he was describing what he does to his girlfriend knowing full well he was teasing me. Am I being silly? Am I trying to believe that some part of him is bisexual or is that just me being desperate because I love him and he’s the only person that’s ever on my mind.Can someone just give me there opinions because I have no one else to talk to as he was the first and only person I have came out of the closet too.