a rant about life...

I know this probably isn't the right thread to put this little rant on but i figure my situation is pretty relatable at some point or another so i ask this community to i guess say something. anything. please.About 2 years ago depression and severe anxiety started to screw over my grades in college and a year later i was forced into dropping out because my financial aid was taken away and i couldn't afford to go anymore. I did speak to a professional without any of my friends or family knowing but when he recommend medication i stopped going because i didnt want to be that person that had to be medicated to stay sane.At the beginning of 2017 i began looking for a job and 3 months later there i was working at a restaurant. Thats where i met this boy. He helped me accept that i was gay and that i should stop trying to tell myself that i wasnt. i later fell in love with him. the day i knew it was something real me him and another coworker were going to get lunch after work. my other coworker bailed and now it was me and him. we talked for hours and at the end of the night we found ourselves at this shallow fountain in the park splashing each other and having a good time. a starry night in DTLA with a jazz musician playing his saxophone on the benches. it was almost something out of a fairy tale. i asked him out a few days later and we started dating. i learned that he was moving to boston in a few months and it really hit me hard. We decided to break things off since he didnt want a long distance. i didnt know how to deal with the pain so i just quit my job out of the blue because it hurt to just see him.another 3 months later and i finally get hired at a sports bar until around december when they just stopped giving me shifts. i confronted the managers and the gm about it and nobody gives me a response. they just ignore me even when i go to see them in person its like the managers dont want me around. ive never done anything wrong there.now here we are. my mom giving me shit every day for a month about how i need to find another job. its not encouraging at all. its making me feel worthless again. and now here i am at 5:57 am with no sleep, under my blankets crying as quietly as possible so i dont wake my brother. my 23rd birthday is coming up and i dont feel excited. right now i feel depressed thinking about how i keep fucking up my own life. how i feel like im cursed because everything i do turns to shit. i feel like i was given this life on accident. how alone i am left to struggle with my sexuality. wanting to come out to my family but being too scared to. i feel like a disappointment to everyone. i feel... worthless again.im sorry if that was long or if it was depressing but i feel like i had to rant. if even for a moment