It’s holiday but I can’t feel the spirit

I’m gay – that’s not a problem; my problem is I cannot fit into the local gay community. In many ways I am so different from what people normally do. Here are just a few:I go to church often, but few church people are gay, neither do many gay people go to church;I don’t like board games (just don’t think it fun), while many local gay events are held in the form of board game parties;I don’t have gaydar;I get along better with girls than guys; with girls, I feel natural to be myself, and we have endless topics. With guys, I don’t know how to start normal conversations other than a sex dating one; once we get into a talk I can easily get nervous too, because unconsciously I regard that person as a potential partner. However most gay seem to socialize better with the same-sex.Very often I talk sarcastically; few people here appreciate sarcasm;I do writing stuff from time to time. To avoid censorship I publish them on independent platforms (although my articles are nothing sensitive. Just the feeling of getting approval before publishing makes me sick). My audience will need a VPN to access them, but not all of them have one. Cost of this is limited traffic. On the contrary those who compromise to censorship get more public exposure and become popular…I read poems, philosophy, and politics, but just for fun. People either don’t touch these at all, or are focused only on these;I love swimming and hiking but I’m not muscular (skinny to be honest); most swimming / hiking gay are muscular and want muscular partners.Redditers please share your story… Should I try to change myself to fit in? Should I try a different environment? Thanks a lot...