Coming Out. Older Guy. Married. Scared.

51 years old. Married 25 years. Two children ages 19 and 21. NYC metro area.I have emotionally and physically withdrawn from the marriage for at least the past 3 years. Probably longer. Life has just been work and coming home. Some social life but not one of my own. Outwardly I appear happy and successful. Inwardly I have been miserable. I’m good at this. I’ve been doing it for years.Suddenly in the last 2 months I woke up. I want to stop being afraid and being lonely. I want to come out.My wife is a decent person but she has anger issues. When I do tell her, it has to be with a therapist present because she is likely to lash out horribly. I do believe this is the best thing for everyone. I can’t keep living like this.I need to talk to someone. I have a tentative meeting with someone that contacted me via another Reddit board but I need more. My fear is that I’m going to get frustrated and will blurt it out to my family which will be disastrous.Anyone know if there are any support groups? How do I go about finding a therapist that can help me?Thanks for any/all help you can give me.Regards....