Afraid I’ll always be alone

I posted awhile ago about having an older bf who wanted to have sex and I was not really sure about it.I was raped when I was little and I have a lot of fear and mixed feelings about sex.I finally told my bf that I was raped and he was super understanding (I thought) about it. Well, we finally had sex a couple of weeks ago and it didn’t go well. He got really aggressive and I got scared and shut down. I let him do what he wanted and when he finished I began sobbing uncontrollably.He freaked out and was scared that I was going to accuse him of taking advantage of me without my consent (which I was not going to do nor would I ever to that to someone). I didn’t here from him for three days and then he broke up with me on the phone. I begged him to stay and told him I would try harder to be good at sex. He said it wasn’t the sex. He said that he couldn’t get over the fact that I lied to him for so long about being a virgin and that he couldn’t trust me.I know he is a total jerk but I feel like damaged goods because of my past rape. I also feel like no one will ever want to be with a guy who has been violated like I was and who is so bad at sex.Not sure what I want from this post. I guess I just feel sad and was hoping I could get some positive comments.