Looking for lust

Hi I've been married for 17 year and we haven't had sex in the last two I love my wife but I really never would have believed she would become such a loveless person, so I been loving for an affair for a while now. I didn't think I was that guy but you never know until your faced with it. I stared watching gay porn resentlyand I barely watch anything else now. And what's weird is I don't find that I'm attracted to men, but I love I mean I love watching guys have sex. I really am not homophobic but I love how taboo it seems. I feels so wrong it right. I fantasize about being with a openly gay effeminate man who sees me as a conquest. A conquest he can seduce and it drives me more wild then anything in my whole life and I know I'm going to make it happen.