I am very confused about what I am. I could use some advice or thoughts.

I know I'm bisexual. I've recently been able to admit that to myself only over the past 2 or 3 years. I am emotionally and physically attracted to women, and I enjoy sex with men. Although there's absolutely no emotional attachment, they may as well not have faces, in fact, I'd prefer it if they didn't.When I was younger I tried on my sisters clothes and I became incredibly aroused. I didn't do it for a long time afterwards out of shame, but occasionally I would fantasize about it, as well as experimenting with men. It was probably 75% thinking about women, 25% men.As I got older I experimented with crossdressing. Starting first with just panties. Then bra and panties. Then dresses. Then full on outfits, makeup and wigs. I became overwhelmingly aroused by doing this, and while I am dressed as a woman I actually feel much more attractive than I do as a man. During these times I'm 100% certain I would prefer to be a female. Then, a few hours, days, or weeks later, the feeling is completely gone. Overcome with genuine disgust. Like, logically it didn't make sense, and during one of these periods I crossdressed and it did absolutely nothing for me.I also noticed that if I take a pill like Adderall, or Molly, or even cocaine, it amplifies this desire 200% and it makes me crave it 100% of the time I do it. And while I am on the pill, I would probably have my entire sex changed if I could, and then once it wore off I'd probably be disgusted with myself.I don't understand the disgust though. I enjoy it when I do it. And recently, I actually thought if anyone ever caught me, or found out about me crossdressing, and asked me, I would just say "Yes" because that would be easier than dealing with denial and shame. So I don't think I'm ashamed of myself. I'm just disgusted on some occasions.What am I? Am I bigendered? Is that even a thing? This is coming from a guy who frequently jokes "I identify as a lamp" but now I'm seriously beginning to wonder about gender, especially my own.Thank you for reading this.