Advice for a closeted, depressed gay girl.

I married very young and have always known I had attraction for women. Sleeping with my friends in school felt normal and no big deal. I never felt that I had to put any name or special reasoning to it. It wasn't until the last few years that I hit a wall and realized that it's not just random attractions. I have had deep conversations with my husband and he supports me 100%. Even encourages me to explore and do what I feel like I need to do. (Which I haven't had any courage to do.) As great as he is, I feel like I'm in the wrong life. I feel like I'm so depressed and wanting to come fully out and explore is never an option. My body physically aches. I spin into a deep part of myself that I don't know. I hurt for to need to be with the "right" person. I have an amazing emotional connection with my husband but it strangely doesn't feel right somehow. I know I am gay. I teeter on the hopes that if I settle on bisexual it will somehow make my life easier to figure out. I have friends that I have felt comfortable to tell but there isn't a lot of conversation that is happening to make anything make sense or feel better. I don't know how to approach my life anymore. I feel unable to seek professional help because even thinking about calling throws me into a major anxiety attack with uncontrollable crying. I know there are people out there like me or in a similar situation, but I don't see them. Or hear them. It's just me. I think I'm looking for any words of wisdom to help me grow and come out the other side standing and okay.