Being rude to people and can't control that.

A am a man. I've had a unrequited love to a best friend (straight male). We worked at the same job. Lived in the same dormitory. As soon I got that it can't go further anymore I dropped contacts with him. At the same time I was having really horrible health problems concerning my face skin. And when I tried to talk about all the problems to my other best friend, she just didn't respond to me because she was busy with her new boyfriend. So I haven't spoken to her 6 months since. Obviously I was in depression.Then I decided to change my life. I've changed a job, my face is getting better. But I've been noticing some shit that concerns me a lot now. I think I have not a bad sense of humour. And since I need some new friends I've been acting like a clown to all of my new coworkers. I've been seeking attention of people, that's why I shout instead of just normally speaking. I feel that I am being disgusting to people, that's why I feel very sad, then I try not to depress and being fun and act like a clown again, and that make me disgusting to people again, and that make me sad again. Vicious circle. That drives me crazy and I just can't control myself. That's why I rude to people. And they say I'm a jerk. But I really don't want to offend people. Just want to find new people in my life to substitute others. I think I have very low self esteem and because of that I seek an attention to prove that I'm ok, but that's only make me worse.Sorry for my English.