I don't know how to feel about this.....

(To preface this, Im a senior in high school getting ready to leave for college.)So I feel like I might be gay or bi as I can't keep myself from paying attention to the male talent in (hetero) porn and have experimented with gay porn before in addition to some other personal reasons. My southern Baptist family has already casted out one of my cousins for being gay and I'm afraid of what coming out would do to my relationship with them. A little personal, but in my family, I am the last remaining male that carries our family name and is still able to "continue the family" if you catch my drift. This makes me feel like I have no choice in the matter. I want my family to thrive and especially to not be disappointed in me, but I also want to be happy. I know I didn't ask any specific questions or ask for advice, but this is supposed to be a safe place and I just felt I needed to type this out. :)