I don't think I'm gay but..

I'm really masculine, I'm your stereotypical 6'3 muscular leader who a lot of people depend on and look up to, but honestly beyond my facade I have a desire to be female. I think I've found within myself why, it's because the glorified role of having sex for males, while its frowned upon for females. I hate the pressure that I now see that we all endure. I don't think I'm gay, but a small part of me would like to finally get a break in the assumed societal feminine role, and instead of being pressured to have sex, I'd rather be sexually repressed, why? Because this desire for sex has consumed many hours of my life, I wish my mind wasn't always on the subject, but liberated beyond it. I know a lot of this stuff is just my assumptions based on societal norms, but it's all for lack of better examples. Feel free to educate me, I only seek knowledge, not to harm anyone personally, so please, forgive me if it seems ignorant.