Why I'm insecure with guys...(and why I would love your advice)

Any advice is highly appreciated!Storytime: For all my teen years I've fallen for straight guys and only half a year ago I've realized this failure. So I decided to start online dating for real - meeting up with guys and not only writing to them... So the first date was odd. He looked way different than what I imagined. But he was a nice lad and we talked for a pretty long time.I took it as a good exercise dating him and I guess it was a pretty good first gay date in general. Didn't take long and I found me another guy I liked. Surprisingly we started sexting pretty fast. It was pretty dirty - but I liked it. After two days or so we met up and had a very romantic, long date - we hit the city at the end of November and it was already "all Christmas". He was really cute with me and the moment he went for a kiss maybe was one of the best moments of my life so far.Some days later I went to his apartment for the weekend. I was so damn shy, followed him around, kissed him, hugged him. He smiled a lot and showed me one or two things. Sex was great.After that weekend we texted a bit less, but it was alright. I went to his apartment again the following weekend and I was all-love. He was my prince. It was awesome again. So much privacy, so much intimacy, such new feelings. I told him how much I enjoyed being around him. This was the last time we met.After that he told me that he wouldn't have time to meet anymore - only about once a month or so. He said it was due to the finals coming up. He'd be doing some heavy exams for the first few months of the year. I said I undestood but I was very confused and afraid. Like I didn't know what this meant for us. What should we do? What are we even? So I asked him - we were dating for about three weeks.He said he wouldn't really know what to say. Turned out he didn't have the same feelings for me and I would create a lot of pressure for him when I told him how much I liked him. Like he couldn't possibly live up to the image I had of him... I said I didn't mind and I was open for what's to come. He never wrote back...A few weeks later I started dating a new guy. He's really cute but once again will have very little time for half a year (he'll only be home for some of the weekends). Again I feel sorta confused but I don't want to build up too much pressure for him, so I said I was fine with "taking it slow" as he proposed.So now I guess, I am single. Building something like a friendship with benefits which could become something real. I don't really have someone to talk to about this - only the guy I'm dating. So I wanted to give it to the community.Do you guys have any advice?