I'm MADLY In Love (unrequited) And I Don't Know What To Do.

Uggh, you guys, it's killing me. Not like, oh, I'm a little sad killing me, but more like... I can't stop thinking about him, I want to spend every waking moment with him, I feel as if my soul is crushed killing me. He consumes my every thought.A few short months ago I met a man at a local industry specific outing. He was charming and cute and charismatic. Little did I know the effect he would have on me.He came up to a table where I was sitting with a few other people and engaged in conversation. This is normal given the event we were in attendance of (we're both in the film industry and we were at a weekly film crew event).I of course immediately noticed that he was handsome. In a rugged way. As he talked I became excited and attracted. You see I'm a production designer and costume designer (I design sets and costumes for film and tv for a living). As he was talked he revealed to us that he was new to town by way of L.A. and that he was a prop maker. Equate hearing that to something like a music history major being able to go back in time and hear Mozart perform his 5th symphony live. Learning that someone is a prop maker is like music to a production designers ears. This was even more exciting to me as I had a prop that I REALLY needed built.So, needless to say I was now even more enamored with this rugged piece of male anatomy that was sitting in front of me. The night went on. I told him of the project for which I was looking to hire someone and he was excited to learn more. We exchanged information and he proceeded to forward his resume the following day.Long story short, I hired him. I can't lie. There was most certainly a bit of attraction that played into my decision. However, there was also a good bit of consideration of his skill set that played a part in my decision. He'd worked for a few phenomenal companies in L.A. that I'd also worked for. So I was sure the quality of his work would be up to par.Fast forward a bit. After working together for a few weeks we were alone, sitting in the space that I'm designing. It was a random night. Somehow we started to discuss the topic of living situations. Realizing that, to this point, I'd never asked him where he resides, I popped the question. "What part of town do you live in?", I asked. Not knowing what a blow his answer would be. He replied, " I don't live anywhere". To which I replied, "What do you mean?". "I live out of my truck", he said.I sat there for a second and tried to take that in, process it a bit. What did this mean? Was my handsome, hardworking hire seriously homeless?!!! My heart caved in on itself. I couldn't BARE the thought of him not having a place to lay his head after a hard days work as a craftsman. Not having a hot meal. Where did he go at the end of the day? What did he do? I felt as if though I'd been punched in the gut.My attraction to him immediately grew that much stronger. As we talked about his situation I grew to admire him for his tenacity and strength. He drove across the country with only the money he had in his pocket and a dream. A dream to pursue a career in the field that he loves. Needless to say I was enamored.A friendship was born. Our relationship took a turn that day from employer, employee (not that I ever really saw it that way), to simply friends. I respected him soo much for showing up to work every day, ready to work and not letting it show; not even a little bit. Had he chosen to keep that part of his life private as opposed to telling me about it I would never have known. I admired him dearly for that.I'm a nurturer by nature. It's within me. I can't explain it. I wan't nothing more than to have someone that I can care for and shower with affection and tenderness. I want to do your laundry, I want to cook for you (all of which I do for him). I want to massage your back. I want to massage your feet after you get home from a long day of work. I want to take care of you. I wan't someone I can try to shield from all the pain and suffering this world has to offer. As is such, the information he shared with me weighed deeply on my heart. I couldn't bare the thought of him leaving work every day and being relegated to the confines of his vehicle. He's such a tender, warm and gentle, yet giant (he's freaking 6'5 for god's sake), soul. Why should he have to endure this. I needed to, WANTED to (with every morsel of my being) help him.It just so happened that I was on the market for a new apartment. My wheels begin to turn. Eureka! I thought, what if I get a place that's big enough for the both of us. Or, if nothing more, when I get my new place, maybe I can at least offer him my couch, a warm shower, a cool evening (it's summer in the south); a place to call home. So I waited a few days and shyly asked if that sort of situation is something that he'd be interested in. He graciously replied affirmatively to my complete and utter delight. And so... the search began.I was able to find an absolutely beautiful place for us in one of the very best parts of town. Oddly enough, as opposed to just having a couch in the living room this place also has a murphy bed. It was a perfect fit for what we needed. All was going well.Fast forward to now. All is still going well. We work together. We live together. We spend copious amounts of time together. Probably to a point where it's unhealthy for me. You see I've fallen deeply in love with him. But there's an issue, he's not gay and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. He's smiley, he's energetic, he's charismatic, he's warm, he's tender, he's loving, he's thoughtful, he's oh sooo sweet, he's not afraid to NOT be seen as macho (even though he really is pretty macho (you know the kind of macho that a man can exude without trying? yeah, that's him, UGHHH!!!)) BUT... he's not gay.He was and is soo warm towards me but again, NOT in a gay way. I believe that it has more to do with the fact that he's a creative soul than anything. Even though they might be able to build you Mount Kilimanjaro, creative men just tend to be softer, emotionally speaking. That's what makes them such beautiful souls.As his "bedroom" is in the living room there are times where I get to sit and watch him sleep. God that drives me wild. He's such a big man (again, he's 6'5). To watch him, all curled up like a little angel, as peaceful as can be, takes my breath away. It's like nothing I've ever seen before. Everything about him, his mannerisms, his demeanor, his little temper here and there, his machismo, his unforced manliness, drives me wild.I've never felt like this about anyone in my entire life before. SERIOUSLY.I guess is doesn't help that I also have lived a pretty sheltered life as it pertains to all of, "THAT stuff". I'm a 32 year old man and I've only ever had sex once, I've only ever been on one date, HONESTLY; and for the most part I've always been a bit overweight. So I feel like for the first time in my life, I'm feeling what so many others experience in adolescence. In my adolescence I was too busy struggling with growing up as a heavyset, gay, Jehovah's Witness so I had no time to even remotely think about, "all the things". My "things" were enough in and of themselves. I'm also simply just a hopeless romantic with old fashioned standards. So the thought of random meaningless sex devoid of a real connection was and will always be unfathomable to me.So here I am. MADDDLY in love with my new best friend. Someone I'm talking about opening a business with. Someone I foresee spending an abundance of time with going forward. How do I deal with the pain of not being able to call him my own? I cry soooo much about this situation (unbeknownst to him). Not just tears but weeping, sobbing, a crippling cry. I'm more down and distraught than I've ever been in my entire life. When I say it's ripping my soul out I mean it's RIPPING THE VERY ESSENCE OF MY BEING APART!!! IT HURTS, DEEPLY and there's nothing I can do about it. I think he pretty much knows the way that I feel about him (though I've never actually said anything to him) but there's nothing he can do about it either. He's not gay. He loves me, but not in that way.Have any of you dealt with situations like this before? Does it hurt so bad simply because it's the first time I've ever truly been in love with someone? Does it get easier? I would really love to hear your advice and thoughts on my situation.