Accidental bareback experience, cognitive dissonance... NSFW text

After years on Reddit, I'm finally creating a throwaway for all the sex stuff I can't really talk about with anyone. So here goes.I have this hugely annoying elephant in my life that is sex. I'm early 30s, pretty in shape, slimmer side, probably medium looking.I want nothing more sexually than to bottom for a sensual, passionate top. The problem? Pretty sure I've set the world record for tightest hole. Barring some major surgery, I will never in my life be able to have spontaneous anal as a bottom. I can practice and work up to it, but it takes me at least an hour to get ready in perfect digestive conditions on a given day. Even then it's not guaranteed. I've had one guy tell me before I'm built different down there, I think there's more curving or something going on that makes it tough/impossible to fit some penises in there.So that leaves topping. I'm not usually that into it (would prefer to be power bottom as mentioned above), and whenever I put on a condom I lose my hard on, the sensitivity seems gone, so I just avoid topping, too. Here's where my story comes in, and where I experienced something bizarre/cool/scary for the first time.Last night I broke a long dry spell, and it was fucking amazing. The guy was cute, passionate, sensitive, and just wanted to keep on going. This stuff never happens to me, I'm probably going to remember that for a long time. We were having that good a time without any anal, it was incredible.At one point he turned over, and I got into rimming him. Then I was grinding my penis over his ass, just back and forth kind of lubed up from the sweat. Well, apparently he's the opposite of me, has no tightness, and at one point he started making some other noises, I felt this amazing sensation, and I realized I had just accidentally penetrated him bareback and did a couple thrusts inside him.I've always been totally anti-bareback unless in an LTR, but what I couldn't believe was how AMAZING it felt. I didn't want to stop when I realized what just happened, because even that one thrust was incredible, but I knew had to pull out.I asked him if he had any condoms, he did, so I put one on and try to do it again. Hard on totally disappeared, didn't feel anything like the first version.So basically, I never top, have never barebacked cause I know it's irresponsible, but I do it literally for a couple seconds and it was amazing.I don't know. I don't even have any question really. I just need to get this stuff on my chest, and I don't know where else to go. At the same time I feel so irresponsible for loving it, cause it would tempt me in the future, but I need to wait till I'm in a committed relationship for that.I just wish sex were more anatomically straightforward for me.