very lonely

lately, i can't help but feel that seemingly imperative loneliness that befalls most gay people, sooner or later. the gay dating scene is an unfortunate cocktail of minimal options and promiscuity, one which leads me to believe i will never fall in love, like ever.and i know people say "it'll come when you aren't looking" and all that, but i feel like that more exclusively applies to straight people, who can essentially just walk around with their eyes closed and trip over their future spouse. we don't have that many options.and it's not just a romantic loneliness, either. at school, my sexuality ruined my friendship circle because either a) i'd end up crushing on any guys or b) i was too insecure to befriend girls out of fear of being clocked. being gay caused me to distance myself, and that terrible decision has haunted me in my adult years, now 23 with no friends and no idea how to get new ones.idk what this post is about, really. just kind of struggling recently and needed an outlet. i really resent being gay and i don't really know how to deal with it.