Love again?

Hey guys, I wanted to tell you a story and ask for advice. So a few years ago( 5 to be exact) I was still a young homo discovering my feelings, I was 17 then. So my friends introduced me to a friend of theirs. He was blond, green eyes, dreamy kind of guy. At first I wasn't interested in him and I knew for a fact he was straight. But then we started chatting on facebook and slowly I started falling for him. We would talk a lot and he was a very nice and kind person. So when I realised how deeply I had fallen for him I asked a friend of mine( my only friend to ever accept my homosexuality) if he knew if the guy ( lets call him N) was gay too. And he said he thinks N was bisexual. I was really excited to hear this. So a few weeks later we organised a party with my friends and I knew he was going to be there too. I decided to come clean with my feelings. I was so excited thinking that he was inlove with me too, imagining how tomorrow we would be together. So the party came and at some point I asked him if he could come outside to talk to me. We went out at a more private place and he was like: 'what's up' and then I told him how much I liked him and was inlove with him and then I kissed him. It lasted like 0.00001 seconds before he pulled away. He looked so shocked and told me he wasn't gay or bisexual but straight. He told me he was flattered but not interested and that in fact he was interested with a girl at the same party. I was extremely humiliated and hurt. I just bursted into tears and ran away from the party. He messeged me the next day apologising and asking if I was alright but I didn't answer. And then it happened. I couldn't get him out of my head, couldn't stop thinking of him, I was obsessed with him. For 4 years all I could think about was him and how much I loved him. I have texted him many times when I was drunk and he always replied nicely although I was certainly a pain in the ass. I thought it would pass with time but it didn't. I was so sad and depressed and I decided to shut down my feelings and I tried my hardest and succeeded. But now it's like nothing I used to feel is the same, not only for him but for other people too. It's like I can't love the same way that I used to. It's like many times weaker. I feel like my emotions are dead. Do you think I can somehow fix that? Do you think I can find love for real? I have always perceived him as 'the man of my dreams'. Could there be another person for me out there?