I honestly do not believe that I can ever come out to anyone in my real life.

I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that I am probably gay, but I just don't think I can ever come out to anybody. I know that being gay is not a big deal, and maybe nothing will come out of it, but no matter what, people in my life will always look at me differently.I have denied numerous times that I am gay to people because I apparently "act gay", and saying that I actually am won't make me feel any more secure about myself.I just wish that sexuality wasn't a thing. I'm just depressed with how I'm not able to do anything with my life because I can't be me. But I can never bring up the nerve to come out. And if I do, I don't want to be seen as different. I'd rather be seen in the mask that society already sees me and be insecure underneath it than have no mask at all.I know this sounds silly and I know that a lot of people have it worse, but I just can't do it. I think I have some kind of mental thing where I just can't be this person that I've been denying to be my whole life. I just want to be what I've told everybody I am.Sorry.