Plz help I Need Advice about online dating/short rant

Hi All,I'm new to this subbreddit. I created an account just to post here.I am a black ftm transguy who is recently acknowledging his attraction for men. Up until recently, I've only dated women. I created a grindr and jackd profile. Having those profiles is really messing with my self-esteem. Here are my problems:Guys lead me on. i don't get why. guys call me handsome and say they are attracted to me and we message back and forth but when it comes time to meet "something" always happens. It's really frustrating. i feel like i'm wasting so much time trying to mee anyone. it sucks!Guys don't want anything more that NSA/a quick fuck. I've never been fucked by a guy and most guys on jacked and grindr lose interest in me when I inform them that I'm not ready to fuck yet. i actually had one guy who i had been messing with (who has experience with transguys btw) see me out on my first gay date and he sent me a text messaging which said " i wanted to be your first, but i guess someone else beat me to it. now its my turn." (i copied word for word his text.) that made me feel like shit because this was a guy who i thought was decent due to his prior history as a therapist/working for non profits and past experience with transguys.Most guys don't read my profile. The third word in my profile is ftm and the fourth is transguy, yet many guys stop responding to me when i ask them if its cool that i'm ftm. i've actually met guys who say they still view me as a female even though i have a beard. these are guys who message me first.black gay/bi guys seem to all be dl and none take me seriously. i'm mostly attracted to other black men and its really hard to find one who isn't dl. all the tops just want to fuck and smoke weed. i feel like i have to settle if i want a black gay/bi guy who wants me.all of those experiences have left me feeling like dating men is a waste of my time. i'm not unattractive. when i share my pictures guys call me handsome and cute, yet no matter how attracted they say they are, 90% have flaked on me or just disappear after we have been messaging for a bit. i went on my first gay date a few weeks ago with a guy who had all the qualities I wantd. He asked me if I could see myself dating a guy and I lied. I said yeah I think so. The truth is that I can't see it. Men don't seem to want anything more that a quick fuck and that makes me feel like I would be better off pursuing women. Its really demoralizing to have guys send you a ton of messages only to flake out on meeting in person, stop responding to you when they find out your trans, or lose interest when I say that they can't fuck me. i've always been afraid of being that single guy who is 42 y/o and honestly it seems like gay hookup culture cultivates that. i see all these 45/50/35 year old men on grindr and i wonder if they are lonely. if they get tired of just chasing 20 y/o dick. i don't want to be 35 on grindr trying to get laid, i want a family,cso I don't know what to do. Part of me just thinks I should pack up my bags and delete my profiles and call dating men a failure and go back to dating women but the other part of me want to me a great guy. the only problem i have is that 90% of guys i meet don't want relationships. this sucks! i had wanted to meet a cool guy who is dateable and lose my virginity to him, but now i feel like i might as well just let a random fuckbois take my virginity because waiting for a nice guy means being a virgin a 30 y/o.this was my stream of consciousness, sorry if its confusing and doesn't make sense.