I'm a 32 yo gay man and not out

It makes me really uncomfortable to talk about myself, but I feel like I need to do this. I'm a 32 year old man living in the south who has struggled with homosexuality his whole life. The only time I felt like I was really able to be myself was when I went to college. Moving to a different state probably made it much easier. I dated a guy there and was happy until one of my close friends died in a stupid freak accident. I pretty much stopped trying all together (wasn't exactly full throttling it before that, tbh) and dropped out soon after.The next 13 year period of my life is pretty much a loop. It's important to define my sexuality a little more first, though. While I would probably be best described as sexually fluid, I have always had a strong preference for men. Vaginas have always been kind of gross to me, though. Throw in a southern Baptist family and community, a mostly straight demeanor, and a knack for over thinking; you have a recipe for confused sexuality. I ended up either alone for long periods of time or hurting several women. This absolutely kills me and I hate myself for being so selfish. This isn't a plea for forgiveness from random Internet strangers. Deep down I always knew I was gay, but I guess I just wanted it to not be true because it would be easier. That's on me for being too afraid to be myself. I just have to accept that I cannot change the past and embrace my queer.I haven't dated any guys since college. I've only messed around a few times and even that was over six years ago. I've battled with depression hardcore in the past, the only way I'm dealing with it now is by taking meds daily. I know that the only way I'm going to be happy is to come out. Most my close friends know but that's it. I could say that I'm afraid of making things difficult for the people I've hurt or committing to a defined sexuality, but the truth is I know I'm gay. I'm just scared. I can't live like this anymore though. When I try to visualize myself actually coming out, I just can't see it. I'm not sure how to do this.Thanks to anyone who read this. I appreciate any support.