My best friend and I are in love.

Hello Reddit. I don't have anyone else to talk about this to, so here I am.Let me give you some background.My best friend and me met when we were in 5th grade and we are now graduating college. So 12 years and we are both 22 now. I came out of the closet in sophomore year of high school during a period in which we were not friends because of some friend-jealousy things (first hint). We eventually made up and everything was good as new. Out routines resumed, we went back to being inseparable, I was always at his house, his family loved me, my family loved him - typical friend stuff. We talked on the phone non-stop -- we were always talking/texting/seeing each other. We were two peas in a pod.One night, towards the end of our senior year, our friend threw a party and this was the night that changed everything. We were in the drive thru for mcdonalds and he was in the back seat of the car, I was in the passenger seat. He calls me name, I look back, and he tell me he loves me, then grabs my face and kisses me. I was caught off guard. I had never seen him as anything more than just my best friend.High school ended, he decided to go to a university an hour away from me, and I went to the state school in our city. I had a boyfriend freshman year, and he was still in the closet but at this point, I knew. He would make up lies - obvious ones - to hide his experimenting with guys. Make up fake girlfriend - the whole nine-yards. I always made sure to let him know that I was there for him, with whatever he needed. I always was, nothing would change that.I went through a horrible break up at the end of freshman year and he of course there to take care of me - just like best friends do.He came home over summer and we were back to the power-duo of friends. Always together.Sophomore year of college starts and we each go back to our schools. This year was different - I had a car now, and the school he was at was only an hour away. I spent a lot of time at his apartment, met all his college friends, and for a while, I spent every weekend there.Here is where it gets sticky (ha). On one specific weekend, he got very flirty over text and said I could stay in his bed instead of the couch. We were usually very flirty but this time was different. We went to a couple of parties that night, got drunk, did other drugs, and then came home and had the best sex of my life.We wake up and nothing ever happened. This happened 2 more times. Then eventually, our Junior year, he decides to come out to me. I joked that I obviously already knew. He was happy, I was happy for him and we just continued the friendship. Nothing has changed.Fast forward to us turning 21 last year and things have no been the same. We have had casual sex every time we see each other. We have laid in bed and planned our family. We have shared the most intimate secrets and we have learned each other sexually like I have never learned anyone else. But... it's sweet for a couple of days, then he backs away and gets scared. Some nights ago, after a week of acting like we were boyfriends, we held each other and cried. We cried because I am ready for the next step and he is scared.He just got out of a 2 year relationship (started as closeted then came out). He feels that he needs to explore more before he settles down. He doesn't want to lose me. He wants to keep me forever. He admits that he is falling in love with me but does not want to act on it.So, now, I sit here, writing this out because I am hurt, confused, and desperate to figure out my next move. We are traveling together, I am planning a huge dinner for his birthday, he's staying with me for the week, and we have a new "no-kissing" policy.I just got to the end of writing this and I don't even know what I need from you all. I guess I just needed to write it out. I can't stop thinking about him - he can't either (he tells me) every night. But he wants to go hook up with strangers. He's not even my type but something is happening and I am afraid I can't stop it.