i really need to talk with someone..

i'm 20M. i live in EU so it's not that easy as in USA to freely express myself (cultural reasons). trying to ask advice to strangers on internet instead to people around me really makes me sad.here's the problem: i find myself really sexually attracted to men body(''bears'') but emotionally to women. << homosexual heteroerotic>> i, more or less, suspected my kind of sexuality since i was younger but didn't accept it, until when i engaged with my current first girlfriend, i understood my real tastes. i'm feeling a faker to her. the second problem is that i live in a small place where it's hard to find these kind of homoerotic experiences, and i'm also scared to show my real sexuality to my parents and friends. should i live my whole life with her, being normal and (maybe not) happy? or dive in looking for the sexual experiences i'm really happy with, even w/o finding a nice partner?